Being Authentic: Why It’s So Hard for Me (And Probably For You, Too)
I thought I’d take a leap, get right out of my comfort zone and share something that I don’t usually talk about.
So here it is…
I find it really hard to be my authentic self when I first meet people.
Let me be more specific on this. I’m not shy. And I love meeting people. But when faced with a social situation where I feel like I’m being judged on a first appearance it’s like the breaks kick in and I can’t relax. I’m still me, but I’m holding back which means I’m giving off Diet Coke when we all know the original is so much better.
I love the person I am when I feel calm. When I can speak freely and really let my personality shine. I get a lot of these moments around people who know me well or at work where people are looking for answers that have taken me a career to understand. I also get these moments on a Saturday night after a few wines at the pub but that’s a story for another time.
Maybe I’m an extroverted introvert? Dunno… I’m still figuring that out.
The irony of my admission is that I work in branding. It’s one of the reasons why I was reluctant to write this blog. I’m in the business of helping businesses find their authentic voice. So, yes, I’m hyper aware of sounding hypocritical.
Just bear with me, I do have a point and it will relate to brand. I promise…
When I’ve been able to let my guard down I’ve found it easier to find the people I vibe with. I’ll try new things and I’ll have a sh*t load more fun. Imagine having that all the time? Imagine being the person who can stroll into a room with no inhibitions, filter or hesitation and just own who you are. These people don’t overthink—they just are. They seem free, happy, and at ease. There’s an honesty to that.
And the best part?
They attract their people effortlessly. They’re like magnets for the right kind of energy and people. It’s so refreshing to watch.
Being yourself from the get-go is a super power.
Let me give you an example on this – it’s one of my favourite people. From the moment we met, they were completely and unapologetically themselves. No filter required. I was instantly drawn to them and their presence put me at ease. They were open, no filter, no judgement. You could feel it. They were so comfortable in their skin and exactly who they claimed to be. This person has become a big part of my life.
On the flip side, I’ve met people who were open and honest with no filter and felt the complete opposite. The admiration for their openness and ability to be themselves was still there but I was also able to know instantly that they were not for me.
Having my guard up means that I don’t let people in right away. I’ll get there eventually but I’m a slow burn. And maybe that means I’ve missed opportunity to have some wonderful people in my life sooner.
Putting everything out there leaves you exposed but that’s the beauty of being authentic from the start. You don’t waste time being something you’re not or hiding the best parts of you. Instead, you attract the people who vibe with you and repel those who don’t.
And THAT is an efficient way of building social capital.
Relating this back to brand – because this is a business blog after all…
The lesson behind all my waffling and self-importance is that being yourself is the ultimate filter both personally and professionally. And the quicker you can show the world who you are, the sooner you’ll attract your people. The loyal ones. Those who connect with you and love you for you.
A large part of what we do in branding is observing and understanding behaviour. It determines if a message, product or service is right for our customer and more importantly it helps you ask the question, “Are you right for them?” If you’re clear about who you are and what you stand for then the content writes itself and will talk to people who align with your value system.
Final Thoughts: Be Authentic, Even When It’s Hard
Whether you’re reading this for yourself or your brand, being authentic can be hard and can push you out of your comfort zone. It can take time to get there but, in the end, it’s the only way to find your people—and your place in the world.
Yes, you’ll filter out a lot of people who don’t vibe with you, but you’ll also attract the people who do. And those people will love you for who you are. They’ll stick around. They’ll be loyal. And honestly? That’s worth way more than trying to please everyone.