I Work With My Husband and I Don’t Want to Kill Him

It’s true. Working with your spouse for over 15 years without wanting to kill them is actually possible. I’m not even sick of him.

It’s amazing how many people we tell who say, ‘I could NEVER work with my husband,’ and look at you like you’ve got two heads. To be honest, I’ve never really thought about how hard it could be to live, work, and socialise with someone almost 24/7. Probably should have given that some thought, but here we are.

The start of it all.

It all started back in May 2006. I was freelancing as a graphic designer / art director (I hadn’t decided between the advertising or design industry yet) when I landed a pretty cushy job in the Coles marketing department working on catalogues. It was mind-numbing work, but it paid well as a freelancer saving up to travel the world.

That’s where I met Ben.

I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard with someone at work. At one point, we actually had our desks moved away from each other because we were causing too much of a distraction. Turns out, you can make an endless amount of questionable jokes when you’re staring at ‘chicken nibbles’ and ‘ham from the bone’ on the deli page all day.

We were best work mates for over a year when I told him I had saved enough cash to go traveling. He saw an opportunity to move in with my brother while I was gone, and then, just before I was about to leave, we decided that not having each other around would kind of suck. Needless to say, my footloose and fancy-free backpacking adventure went from “indefinitely away” to nine months, with Ben getting FOMO halfway through and spending a month in Europe with me.

After I came home, I worked at a few other places. I freelanced a bunch and worked for some big corporates to get a well-rounded idea of where I wanted to be. By this stage, I was very much off the advertising industry and very passionate about brand and design.

Unlike Ben, I had no desire to be my own boss. I was very happy to work 9-5 and kick someone else’s goals. Ben, on the other hand, very much wanted to start his own thing. The busier he got, the more pressure it put on us. I’d come home and end up doing a ‘double shift’ to help him out, to the point where there was no point in me working for someone else anymore.

By far the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life (aside from having children) was take a leap of faith, say I don’t need a stable income, and follow a dream. There’s a moment that I’m sure a lot of husband and wife business owners have where they think, ‘Shit, if this doesn’t work, then what?’“ Add to that the pressure of living, working, and being around the same person all the time.

This leads me to the second most asked question…

How do you work with your partner without losing your mind?

This one is simple. It comes down to three things:

1. Respect for each other’s strengths

Ben and I are wired differently, and thank goodness for that. Aside from an incredible eye for design, he also excels at timelines, building client relationships, and driving the business forward. I live and breathe the creative side, the design maturity, the brand languages, and the execution. Although we don’t mean to, we naturally tend to stay in our lanes. And this works because we genuinely trust that the other person is the expert in theirs. It also takes pressure off having to be master of all things. 

2. Not being precious when you disagree

Art is subjective which means that something that is meaningful to you, may not be to everyone else. In a creative studio, friction is part of the process. Ideas get challenged, designs get critiqued, and strategies get debated. In that respect, I guess we’re pretty good at separating a business disagreement from a personal attack. If Ben doesn’t think a creative direction is right for a client, it’s not because he hates my taste, it’s because he’s looking at the objective. We disagree, we solve it, and we move on.

3. Supporting each other when you fail

When you run a business together, you share the highest highs and the lowest lows. If a major pitch falls through or a project goes pear-shaped, the pressure is doubled because it hits the same household budget. It’s even harder if one of you pushed for an idea that failed when the other didn’t agree. In those moments, it’s incredibly easy to point fingers or let stress dictate how you speak to each other. Instead, we’ve made it a rule to be each other’s safe harbor. If one of us stumbles, the other steps up to carry the load. We are a team first, business partners second.

15 Years Later…

Are there days where we need our space? Absolutely. (That’s what headphones, girls trips and separate client meetings are for). But looking back on that massive leap of faith we took all those years ago, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Building a business, a family, and a life alongside your best friend isn’t for everyone. But if you can find that groove of mutual respect, a shared sense of humour, and zero preciousness, it’s a pretty amazing way to work.

And bonus: we still genuinely like each other when the laptop lids close.

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